I shouldn't tell anyone this story. I certainly should NOT post it on the internet for the whole world to see and openly judge me for being the World's Worst Mom. But it's just too funny not to share...
I don't normally take the kids shopping with me. In fact, I've even started buying my groceries online so I can avoid grocery stores altogether. I definitely, absolutely, never even think of taking them clothes shopping. But my husband surprised me with tickets to the Billy Joel concert last week (it was GREAT!), so I had no choice but to drag Jonah and Jackson into Motherhood Maternity to try to find something that wasn't too small (I'm much bigger than I was during my other two pregnancies, so I've outgrown most of my summer clothes) or too frumpy to wear to a concert.
Everything went pretty well, I guess, considering the fact that I was asking my 1- and 3-year-olds to hang out and do nothing while I tried on about 20 shirts. Jackson was fussy... didn't want to be in the dressing room, but certainly didn't want to be outside of the room where I was. Jonah tried to entertain and distract Jackson by playing (a loud version of) peek-a-boo. Finally, exasperated with my children, the ugly clothes at the store, and my non-sleek body, I gave up. I settled on a top that wouldn't be embarrassing to wear and headed for the checkout.
While I was waiting for the clerk to get off the phone and ring me up, both kids really started to lose it. Jackson entered full-on frustration mode and Jonah began running circles around the store, shouting "I'm SUPERWHY! Here to save the day!!" While I was declining the clerk's request for my number, e-mail, street address (come on, lady! just ring up the order!!), Jackson started screaming because he couldn't strap himself into the stroller and Jonah started diving in and out of the round clothing racks. Finally, as the clerk was explaining why my clothes were NEVER to be returned to the store for any reason (LOOK! I'm wearing it to a CONCERT in less than 4 hours, I probably WON'T be returning it!!!), Jonah started swinging his arms windmill-style and knocked an entire rack of underwear on the floor.
By then, my patience was gone. I went over to Jonah, grabbed him none-too-nicely by the arm, and dragged him over to a chair. I told him sternly, "Sit there until mommy's done!"
At which point he yelled, "MOMMY! You're CRACKING my BONES!!!"
I turned calmly back to the clerk, asked her very nicely to just ring up the flipping shirt and release me from her torture.
So. There you have it. World's Worst Mom Award goes to me. Once again.
But I did look really cute at the concert, so I guess it was worth it.
Right.
5 comments:
hahaha!!!! and you know what is worse?? Some 1st time mommy, in her 4th week of pregnancy (already purchasing preggo clothes for 8 months from now) was probably standing there judging you and thinking "I would NEVER be like that." And she went off to have a caffine-free smoothie while she (mistakenly) gloated over how much better she'll be. Oooh, I wish I could see her in just 1 year from now when she's stuck in the same situation!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahah -- that's even FUNNIER!!!!!!!!!! whaaaahaaahaaa (evil laugh to all those people who think they are perfect!)
I'm so glad you are letting us enjoy your misery...and I love Jennifer's comment! So true. Wait, that was me, 4 years ago. Yikes. Oh I miss the ignorance of childlessness.
You crack me up. Um, yeah, things like that do NOT happen with my kids. (note the super sarcastic tone). I'll just send you my worst mom in public award so you don't have to go find one for yourself. I've got shelves full of those things.
Taking young kids out in public is always so difficult. You never know what they'll do. I hope you left the underware for the clerk to clean up. :) She was obviously very into her job to ask you all those questions and couldn't see you needed to get the heck outta there! I'm glad you looked good at the concert-that really is what matters!
Yes, it was all worth it to look hot at the concert! You are such a great writer and I always laugh out loud when reading your blogs. You and Jen Hillberg should get together and write a sitcom about motherhood. It would be hilarious!
Every time I grab Gibson's wrist or forearm to bring him away from something he always yells "oh, you're hurting me...stop mom, enough already"- yeah, it's fine when you're alone but when you're in public I always cringe and look around for some childless woman calling social services on me...
Hilarious story and I can totally visualize the cashier going through her fully memorized tutorial all the while watching you battle your two kids!
wish I was there:)
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