I mean, doesn't it annoy you, too? I thought all of the social networking was great when I first discovered it. Who wouldn't want to stay in touch more easily with more friends and have more people interested in your goings-on? Especially for those of us who move frequently or travel often, which is pretty much everyone I know, Facebook seems like a great thing. And it was. At first.
But now I feel it has gone over to the dark side, at least for me. I should take a moment to assure my faithful readers that I have absolutely no judgment whatsoever toward people who continue to use Facebook, even extensively. It's fun! It's neat to be in touch with tons of people, both near and far. It's validating to find out that everyone in America is experiencing that same stomach virus. And there are people who I really liked at one time, but out of laziness, busy-ness, or just the reality of the passing of time, have lost touch with and now I have a way of tracking them down and vice-versa.
Case in point: I recently connected with an acquaintance from the school where I taught from 1997-2001. (Wow. Has a decade really gone by since I pulled out of Houston in a yellow truck, a newlywed, heading for Cleveland?) It was really great to catch up with this girl from my old school and hear a bit of gossip from down south. She's even, like me, married to a doctor and has preschool-aged children, which means we probably have a lot in common. Now, the two of us were never BFF and even had our differences sometimes, but I respected and admired her and enjoyed hearing how her life has continued since we parted ways. I looked forward to being back in touch with that part of my life.
At this point, you're probably thinking, "So what's the problem? Sounds great to reconnect. You're so fortunate to have people in your life whom you enjoy spending virtual time with!" And you're right, I am fortunate. VERY. And please don't think for a moment that that is lost on me or that I'm ungrateful for the dozens of amazing people who take time to communicate with me. I love it. I enjoy it. I'm entertained by it. I'm kept from being lonely and it's made it seem reasonable that I have no actual friends in my one-year, transitional residence in Baltimore. In fact, if anyone is actually reading this post, it's someone important from my history (or a nosey random stranger spying on my blog... if that's you, bug off!). Hello there--good to "see" you.
Okay, I'll get on with my diatribe already. Here's the problem: my brain is already pretty full with personal stuff. Maybe it's not exciting or even interesting in there, but there are a million decisions and thoughts about my 3 active young children; memories of my family, who are all far away; thoughts of my family-in-law, who are also far away; worries about The Job (that's another blog altogether); concerns about money; guilt about a messy house and an uncooked dinner; confusion about how to make it to the grocery store with 3 kids, since I (still) have an absentee husband; worry about my kids' development, etc etc etc. Every mom out there is nodding and agreeing that there's a lot to think about all day every day, even if you're not really doing anything at all. Like I said, it's not big stuff, but it's pretty consuming.
So what am I doing adding guilt to the mix for not writing back to the girl in Houston and catching her up on MY life for the last decade? And why do I find myself wanting to send her an email and ask her opinion on the search for a physician job, even though I haven't talked to her in 10 years and she knows nothing about me or my husband? Along those lines, why do I care that the girl I knew in youth group is having a bad Monday? Like she does every Monday. Is it worth giving up the brain-bytes to process the knowledge that a friend of a friend who I met once at a party is on their way to Starbucks?
REALLY?????? THIS is how I'm using my left-over thoughts and time?? That can't be right. Are there really 276 people whose weekends I need to know about? Should I really spend the spare 3 minutes I have between changing a diaper and starting a load of laundry commenting on the fact that so-and-so in such-and-such country thought the Daily Show last night was funny? (It was, but that's beside the point.) Furthermore, should I entertain myself while driving by mentally composing my new status to include something about how ridiculous it is that school was cancelled today even though there was barely a light dusting of snow on the grass? Furthermore, should the girl whose brother was in my brother's high school class CARE about MY irritation today??
No. Pure and simple. No. They shouldn't. I shouldn't. It's too much!!!!! Stop the madness!
Here's my proposal: How about starting another site called Monthbook. Or Yearbook (course that already has another meaning...) or Tenminutebook? People are allowed to log in up to once a month, for up to ten minutes, to find out what everyone in their conscious memory is doing. Or they can check in for an hour once a year to find out the big stuff like new babies, moves, new professions, etc. We used to do that in Christmas cards, you know. I noticed this year, though, that update letters were much more uncommon than they were during the years after mass computer-generated paper messages, but before social networking. I assume it's because everyone is on Facebook now and they know that everyone already knows what they've been up to, so why annoy people with even more factoids about how they spent their (mostly uninteresting) year?
I'm done ranting. But I felt I needed to explain why I've gone inactive on Facebook. To the few people who take time to read my thoughts on the matter, even though their brains are already full of their own, possibly very important thoughts. And then we're back to the beginning. Why are we all doing this to ourselves?? And why are you still reading this???
If you are happily doing the Facebook thing, great. I hope it's a wonderful blessing for you, as it is for millions and millions of people. It just isn't working for me anymore because of my personality and who I am. (It's me, not you...) When people can tune in occasionally when they really do have some free time, it's a fantastic way to keep up with people they really care about, even if it does mean managing all of the extra annoyances that come along with that, like hoping your potential employer doesn't find those pics of you falling-down drunk at your nephew's Bar Mitzvah.
And I've now exceeded, by far, my own 10-minute limit of ignoring my children in order to post my random, uninteresting, and possibly controversial thoughts about the world of virtual communication.
Ironic, don't you think?!
Thanks for tuning in. Comments are welcome, but please don't make a comment on my Facebook page so the entire world (my entire world) knows what you think of me.
Trust me: they don't care.
